Distract Me

Writing serves many purposes for me but tonight, it is my distraction. Distraction from the burning and stabbing pain that is relentless.

After a busy week I pay for my thrills with the worst pain and discomfort imaginable. I just cried for two hours into my pillow soaked with tears. My husband’s sleep is disturbed, but then there is only so much he can do for me. I try to cry quietly, muffling the heavy, heaving sobs that come uncontrollably in waves so that he can go back to sleep.

I pace the bathroom writhing in pain as quietly as I am able. I search the medicine cabinets, scroll through Instagram, and I write. Because distraction is my best friend these days, but some nights it just isn’t enough.

I honestly don’t know how much longer I can stand this kind of pain. I truly understand why suicide is the number one cause of death with sufferers of Lyme and tick borne disease. If there was a pill I could take that would make me sleep without pain but had the possibility of death, I’m positive there are times that I wouldn’t hesitate to take it. Who wouldn’t prefer a quick death over a long, slow, and tortuous existence?

I’ve had enough. Oh, God. I have had enough. Lyme – You’ve murdered my days… must you also take my nights, my mind and my precious sleep?

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