My Lyme symptoms and the side effects from starting my new treatment are kicking my butt this week but I’m thankful I have these medications. I know they are doing their job but I yearn to be on the other side of this. I see the bottles sitting on my kitchen counter, my nightstand and on my bathroom sink and I know it’s nothing short of a miracle that they are there, but sometimes it sucks that the meds have to be there in the first place. It feels like a full-time job just to fight the discouragement and depression that comes on so strongly with chronic pain and disease.
It hurts. It’s hard. It’s lonely. But I’m praying. I’m waiting. I’m sitting in expectancy… because I have hope. Hope is a big word that we can cling to when we have nothing left. It’s full and deep, whole and healing. Hope shouts over the negative whispers with life affirming bursts of joy. Hope covers the dark places with light that restores our peace and replaces the fear. Even when my faith wavers and I forget – hope lingers. Even when I lose the strength to try, the Lord gently reminds me He is there as he opens my heart to His hope. No matter how many times I call on Him, no matter how many days I get discouraged and question his ways…or doubt his sovereignty, He is there and I am covered in His love.
I heard this song recently and I wanted to share it. It struck quite a chord with me but I think anyone can relate to the lyrics. We have all been there…whether “there” is chronic illness, past wounds, death of a loved one, a deep regret, a colossal mistake, a tragic season of life… or simply being human in this fallen world – I think this song can apply to all of us. We all get tired of holding on. Sometimes it can be easy to get stuck between not being able to let go but not being willing to move on. How many times have we cried out to him for relief? For answers? For help? How long must we do that? We want to see what God is up to… yesterday! We want to know why He’s not taking the pain away or providing the miracle that we are so desperately crying out for. This world loves quick fixes and instant remedies. We want our wounds healed – STAT. Sometimes, the answers may not come the way we want them to or as quickly – maybe never, but He gives us the strength to keep breathing through it all. He walks beside us – giving us a way to make it through one more day, one more doctor visit, one more hard conversation, one more grieving process, one more goodbye – because that is where the hope lies. We must take one more step and turn over one more stone. Maybe we won’t know this side of heaven why things happen the way they do, but it will develop our character, change our focus and bring us closer to our Father. And that… well, that is worth it.
“Well, everybody’s got a story to tell. And everybody’s got a wound to be healed. I want to believe there’s beauty here. ‘Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on. I can’t let go, I can’t move on. I want to believe there’s meaning here. How many times have you heard me cry out, “God please take this?” How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing? Oh, I need you. God, I need you now.” -Plumb
What is your story? Are you crying out to Him? He is there for you. He is there… in the mess and in the hope.